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Dustin McDaniel Loves His Wife!

Updated: Apr 13

Arkansas Attorney General Dustin “Mac Daddy” McDaniel, political darling of The Arkansas Project, took the podium today in Little Rock to tell everyone how much he loves his wife. Because as we all know: no one loves their wives as much as politicians who cheat on them.

McDaniel called the emergency press conference to let everyone know these important facts:

1. He and his wife are doing GREAT. 2. At no point did he violate standards of professional conduct. 3. There was absolutely no inappropriate conduct on his part regarding his affair. 4. He really loves his wife. 5. He has no knowledge of or involvement in a homicide investigation that his mistress was involved in. 6. He and Mrs. McD are falling in love all over again. 7. He has no other mistresses — nor will he ever have. 8. He is fully committed to his campaign for governor, albeit “humbly.” 9. Dang, his wife is so hot. 10. He doesn’t know if any text messaging records exist between he and the mistress, but if they did, he wouldn’t release them.

Overall, I’d say it was a great meeting.

McDaniel said he is very sorry and embarrassed at his conduct, assuring the people of Arkansas that these types of things will not be a problem for him if he reaches the governor’s mansion. We know he’s at least as serious as his wedding vows.

The AG declined to answer specific questions about the details of the relationship (i.e. the length) which made the entire charade feel more like a campaign ad than an actual informative press event. Nonetheless, the event was highly quotable, irony-rich and full of just about every word a candidate never wants to say including “affair, death, homicide, inappropriate, impropriety.” McDaniel said he called the conference to “be clear about what I have not done wrong.” Apparently that was a simpler task that outlining what he’s done right.

When pressed by fellow conservative blogger Jason Tolbert about whether or not he had been involved in other extramarital affairs, Mac Daddy appeared to stop just short of denial, saying:

“I think I’ve been clear. There are a lot of rumors and I can appreciate that. But there are no other shoes to fall and no, I…I…there..there…I have…I love my wife very much.”

He told reporters that he is trying to demonstrate that his character is about responsibility and accountability. (Ahem.)

McDaniel said the last time he had contact with his mistress was when she called his office requesting help in her personal custody case. When asked by a reporter, McDaniel said that helping her in this way was not uncommon or any different than how he would treat a regular Arkansas citizen, admitting that he has “always been very generous” with his cellphone number — perhaps we’ve identified part of the problem here.

Presumably not Dustin McDaniel’s mistress.

McDaniel said that all of the cases that his mistress was involved in with the state were won by the state, presumably lending credence to his contention that she was not given special treatment, although there seems to be some doubt that this is a factually accurate statement. When asked if he would release unredacted records of his conversations with the mistress, McDaniel said he already has done so.

Up to this point, McDaniel was a near-perfect candidate for governor in the eyes of the beloved and revered low-information voter. But he lacked one thing on his political resume: an affair. Now his journey is complete. He’s climbed the mountain. He’s reached the summit. He’s a real politician now, and he’ll never ever lie again.

As a special bonus, McDaniel said he feels great about where he stands in the governor’s race!

Dustin McDaniel seems to be an upstanding guy who can be trusted fully. He’s probably never lied in his life, except when he cheated on his wife. One can only hope that, if elected governor, he’ll have an affair with the taxpayers. McDaniel/Musburger 2014!

(Many thanks to FOX16’s David Goins for live-streaming (almost) the entire McDaniel presser on his UStream channel. Catch the video for yourself below in two segments. It is fantastic political theater.)

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